Everything I owned was something I bought because someone else looked good in it.
A blazer I saw on a blogger.
Jeans that were “trending.”
A dress that made sense on the rack but never made sense on me.
And then one afternoon, I pulled out an old photo of myself from years ago — totally unstaged, totally unplanned — and I thought, that girl looks like herself.
That moment changed everything for me.
And honestly?
It can change everything for you too.
Start With Feeling, Not Fashion
Here’s what nobody tells you when you’re trying to find your personal style.
It has nothing to do with fashion trends.
Nothing.
It starts with a feeling.
Before you open a single magazine or scroll through one more Pinterest board, I want you to ask yourself one question.
How do I want to feel when I walk out the door?
Powerful?
Soft?
Effortless?
Playful?
When I first asked myself that, I sat with it for a while.
And the word that kept coming back to me was calm.
I wanted to feel calm in my clothes.
Not overdressed.
Not like I was trying too hard.
Just… settled.
And that one word ended up shaping my entire wardrobe.
So before you do anything else, find your feeling word.
Write it on a sticky note.
Put it somewhere you’ll see it every morning.
It becomes your compass.
Everything you buy, everything you try on — you filter it through that feeling.
Does this make me feel calm?
Does this make me feel powerful?
If the answer is no, it doesn’t belong in your life.
Go Through Old Photos (This One Is Underrated)
I know this sounds a little strange, but stay with me.
Pull up old photos of yourself.
Not styled shoots.
Not event photos where you were dressed by committee.
Candid ones.
A random Tuesday.
A road trip.
A lazy Sunday brunch.
Look at the ones where you actually look like you.
When I did this exercise, I noticed something.
In every photo where I looked genuinely happy, I was wearing something simple.
Neutral tones.
Something a little oversized.
Minimal jewelry.
Nothing screaming for attention.
And in every photo where I looked kind of… off, I was wearing something I bought because it was “in.”
Your old photos are basically a treasure map.
They show you who you already are, before the noise of the internet told you who to be.
Look for patterns.
Colors that keep showing up.
Silhouettes you gravitate toward.
Vibes that feel consistent.
That’s your style, quietly waving at you from the past.
Clean Out Before You Build Up
Oh, this one is so satisfying once you actually do it.
You cannot find your personal style in a cluttered closet.
I’m sorry, but you just can’t.
When I finally cleared out everything that didn’t feel like me, I cried a little — and then felt like I could breathe for the first time in years.
The rule I use is simple.
If it doesn’t make me feel like the best version of myself, it goes.
Not “it still fits.”
Not “I paid good money for it.”
Not “maybe someday.”
If it doesn’t make me feel amazing right now, it leaves.
What you’re left with after that purge is so revealing.
Because what stays?
That’s your actual style.
That’s the core of who you are, fashionably speaking.
You might be surprised.
Maybe you kept all the soft, flowy pieces and got rid of every structured blazer.
Maybe the opposite.
Either way — that’s data.
That’s you, showing yourself who you are.
Build from there.
Create a Mood Board That’s Actually Personal
I’m obsessed with mood boards, but not in the way most style guides mean.
I don’t want you to screenshot influencer outfits.
I want you to collect feelings.
A picture of a cozy Parisian café.
A color palette from a painting you love.
A texture — like linen, or worn leather, or something velvet and soft.
A photo of a woman who carries herself in a way that makes you feel something.
When I made my first real mood board, I didn’t look at fashion accounts at all.
I collected images of interiors I loved, travel photos, artwork, even food photography.
And a clear visual language showed up.
Warm tones.
Soft textures.
Quiet, unhurried energy.
That became my style language.
And it translated directly into how I dress.
Your mood board doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else.
It just has to feel right to you.
Identify Your Style Icons — But Steal Wisely
There are probably two or three women in your life (or your feed) who make you think “she always looks so her.“
Pay attention to that.
Not because you want to look like them.
But because what draws you in tells you something about yourself.
For me, it’s always women who look effortless.
Not underdressed — just easy.
Like their outfit is the last thing they thought about, even though it’s perfectly put together.
That tells me something.
I’m not drawn to maximalism or high drama.
I’m drawn to quiet confidence.
So when I’m shopping or getting dressed, I ask myself — does this feel effortless?
Or does it feel like I’m trying?
Find your two or three style icons — real people, characters, historical figures, whoever — and write down why you love their look.
Go deeper than “she dresses cool.”
What specifically?
The proportions?
The color palette?
The way she mixes casual and polished?
Those specific things?
That’s your style vocabulary, right there.
Understand Your Body and Fall in Love With It
I want to say this gently but honestly.
Finding your personal style is so much easier when you stop dressing for the body you think you should have, and start dressing for the body you actually have.
I spent years pulling at hemlines and tugging at waistbands.
And I was miserable.
It wasn’t until I started paying attention to what actually felt comfortable — not just what looked “right” according to some magazine — that everything shifted.
When I tackled my own wardrobe a few seasons ago, I realized that the pieces I reached for again and again all had something in common.
They gave me room to breathe.
They didn’t pinch or pull.
They moved with me.
You don’t have to dress to hide anything.
You don’t have to dress to emphasize anything either.
Just dress to feel at home in your own skin.
That’s when personal style actually blooms.
Because confidence is the one thing that makes every outfit work.
Find Your Color Story
Color is so personal, and most people don’t think about it nearly enough.
There are colors I wear and feel invisible in.
And there are colors I wear and feel like myself.
That difference is everything.
My personal color story is built around warm neutrals.
Camel, cream, warm white, dusty rose, a little sage.
Nothing loud.
Nothing that feels like a costume.
When I open my closet now, everything kind of flows together, and getting dressed in the morning feels so much calmer.
To find your color story, start with your instincts.
What colors do you wear when you want to feel confident?
What colors do you avoid, even when they’re trendy?
What color did someone compliment you in that made you think “yes, this is right”?
Also — and this is a little tip I love — look at your home.
The colors you surround yourself with daily?
Those are clues.
Build a Real Foundation First
Before the fun stuff, you need a foundation.
Not a “capsule wardrobe” in the strict Pinterest sense.
Just a handful of pieces that feel undeniably you and go with everything.
For me, that’s a great pair of straight-leg jeans, a white linen shirt, a camel coat, a simple knit, and one pair of really good boots.
That’s it.
Every single trend or fun piece I add goes back to that foundation.
And if something doesn’t work with those core pieces?
It’s probably not really my style — it’s just something shiny I was drawn to temporarily.
I think about my foundation pieces like the base of a painting.
You have to get that right before anything else makes sense.
So ask yourself — what are the five things in your closet that feel most like you?
Most worn?
Most loved?
Build from those.
Shop With Intention, Not Boredom
I used to shop when I was bored.
Or sad.
Or just kind of… restless.
And everything I bought that way?
Sat in my closet unworn.
Because it wasn’t a real style choice — it was an emotional band-aid.
Now I shop with a very simple practice.
I write down what I actually need before I go anywhere near a store or a website.
Not a wishlist.
A need list.
And when I find something I love that’s not on the list, I wait 48 hours.
If I still love it two days later, and it fits my feeling word, and it works with my foundation?
Then it earns its place.
This one habit alone changed my wardrobe dramatically.
Because your personal style isn’t just about what you love.
It’s about what you consistently choose.
Intention makes all the difference.
Give Yourself Permission to Experiment
Here’s a thing I wish someone had told me sooner.
You are allowed to try things.
You’re allowed to wear something unexpected and decide it’s not you.
You’re allowed to change your mind.
Personal style isn’t a fixed destination — it’s more like a conversation you have with yourself over time.
When I first started experimenting, I wore a slightly oversized blazer I was terrified of.
I felt awkward for about ten minutes.
And then I felt amazing.
That blazer is now one of my most worn pieces.
But I also tried the whole “coastal grandmother” thing for about three weeks and quietly put it all back.
Because it wasn’t me.
And that’s totally fine.
The only way you find what’s yours is by trying things on — literally and figuratively.
So give yourself permission to play.
To be wrong.
To surprise yourself.
Stop Apologizing for Your Style
This one is the most important thing I’ll say in this whole post.
Stop apologizing for what you like.
Stop prefacing outfits with “I know it’s a lot.”
Stop saying “I’m probably too old for this” or “I could never pull that off.”
You like what you like.
And that’s the whole foundation of personal style.
When I stopped needing external validation for my outfit choices, something shifted.
I started dressing for myself.
Fully and unapologetically.
And the irony?
That’s exactly when I started getting the most compliments.
Not because I was dressing better necessarily.
But because I was wearing things that actually felt like me — and that kind of confidence is visible.
People see it.
Your personal style is a form of self-respect.
Treat it like one.
Trust That It Takes Time (And That’s Beautiful)
Last thing I want to say.
Please don’t rush this.
Finding your personal style is not a weekend project.
It’s an ongoing, evolving, deeply personal thing.
Mine took a few years of slow, intentional editing to feel right.
And it still shifts a little, season to season.
And I love that.
Because it means I’m still growing.
Still paying attention to who I’m becoming.
Your style tells the story of your life right now.
So let it be a work in progress.
Let it be imperfect and evolving and wonderfully, specifically you.
There’s no finish line here.
Just a closet that feels a little more like home every single day.
And that, honestly, is the whole point.
